You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
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