She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
