Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
