I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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