i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
