Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
that's an acceptable place to lick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
