All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
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I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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