He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
