I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
