dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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