epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's blow job season.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
