I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
