He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
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