so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
