Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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