1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
