During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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