From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
