K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
try to milk me bitch
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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