and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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