Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
