Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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