weddingsv make me drug and hornr
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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