We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
