Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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