I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
