I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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