the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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