I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
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It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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