you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
