my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
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Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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