You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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