fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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