Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
