i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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