Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
did you just send me my own nude
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
