I wish my penis had an off switch
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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