Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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