my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
