i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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