hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
