dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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