i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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