Plan B is the new Plan A
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
