it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
