omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
