Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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