I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
