ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
