Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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