I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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