Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
