now i know why i became what i already was.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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