i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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