Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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