Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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