I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
