i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
