today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
