Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
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