I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
