Hey man sorry I got all grabby
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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