He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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