Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
