I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
