your thong is hanging out like whoa
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
