I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
