In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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