you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
