I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
