I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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